Most working parents can relate.

The end of the school year arrives and suddenly the calendar explodes. Concerts. Drama performances. Awards ceremonies. Mother’s Day picnics. Field trips needing chaperones. Art shows. Field Day. Classroom celebrations.

Now multiply that by four children, add a full-time job and a few community commitments, and I must admit…some days I’m totally overwhelmed.

The Guilt of Not Being Everywhere

Recently, I was listening to Emma Grede’s book, Start With Yourself, and she talked about how parenting expectations have gone a little “bonkers.” And I found myself nodding along. Because somewhere along the way, many of us started feeling that being a good parent means being at everything.

We see the sign-up genius that is already filled with parents ready to pounce. We see the IG photos of the graduation event that we didn’t attend.  And for working parents, that comparison often turns into guilt.

Are You Showing Up Because You Want To… or Because You Feel You Should?

Even during seasons when I had more time and wasn’t working full time, I still had very little interest in attending most school activities. I didn’t join the PTA. I didn’t volunteer. I didn’t feel pulled to be at everything, and honestly, I was okay with that.

On the other hand, I also have many friends who genuinely do want to show up for all of it. They want to chaperone the field trips and be fully present for every milestone. And when work or life makes that impossible, the guilt can feel very real.

The craziest thing is how easy it is to absorb that guilt, even when we never really wanted to be there. Sometimes, simply seeing what everyone else is doing can suddenly make us feel like we’re falling short. I have been guilty of this on many occasions, when I felt myself slipping into “I should go” simply because everyone else seemed to be.

That’s what I often call “shoulding.” A cognitive distortion, or mind trap, where perceived expectations become rules we place on ourselves. I should volunteer, or I really should go. Over time, that kind of thinking creates pressure, guilt, and overwhelm instead of helping us make intentional decisions about what matters most.

I often think back to my own childhood. I was one of five children raised by two working parents. They rarely made a school event. And not once did I question whether I was deeply loved.

So, if you’re feeling overwhelmed during this busy school season, I encourage you to pause and ask:

How can I be more present when I am with them?

What expectations am I placing on myself simply because I think I “should”?

What Kids Remember Most Isn’t What We Think

Remember that children are not keeping score the way we think they are. They may not remember every event we attended, but they will remember how we made them feel. Loved. Safe. Supported. And sometimes saying no to one school event is exactly what helps us show up more energized, present, and patient for another moment that matters just as much.