You know that person. I won’t make you say their name, but you know exactly who I mean.

Their name pops up on your calendar or phone, and your stomach drops a little. Every “quick chat” feels heavier than it should. You walk away not just thinking about the work but feeling responsible for how they’re doing.

If one person consistently leaves you feeling depleted, foggy, or emotionally responsible, they’re not bad or toxic. You’re carrying emotional weight that isn’t actually yours. When they share what’s stressing them, you absorb it. Over time, that weight adds up.

They continuously doubt their decisions. They’re always seeking reassurance. And when they’re overwhelmed, you slow things down and help them regulate. That’s because you’re good at holding space. That’s part of being a manager. But when emotional weight never gets returned, that space fills up.

The result is emotional fatigue. Less clarity. That too-full feeling that makes it hard to focus or think strategically.

And here’s the worst part: without intentional boundaries, one person can quietly shrink your capacity for everyone else.

TINY THINGS YOU CAN DO TODAY

These aren’t big conversations or confrontations. They’re small, real-life shifts in how you show up.

PAUSE BEFORE REACTING

Acknowledge without immediately reassuring or solving. Let the silence exist. Let the emotion sit there without trying to smooth it over. Some people call this “sitting in the suck.” It’s uncomfortable at first, but powerful.

A simple response like, “That does sound hard,” lets the other person feel heard without handing the emotion to you.

Then pause. Let them finish the thought. You don’t need to regulate the moment for them.

RETURN THE OWNERSHIP

You don’t need one more problem to solve.

Respectfully give the issue back by asking questions like:
“What do you think your next step is?”
“What have you already tried?”
“What feels within your control right now?”

This isn’t about doing less for someone. It’s about supporting them in a way that builds responsibility, not dependence.

CLOSE THE LOOP OUT LOUD

This is what prevents mental carryover.

End the conversation intentionally with something like, “Let’s pause here. What’s your next move?” or “What will you try before we talk again?”

Closing the loop reduces the chance that this becomes your unfinished business that follows you into the rest of your day.

A DIFFERENT TYPE OF SUPPORT

As managers, our instinct is to help.

What’s important to remember is this: creating an emotional boundary doesn’t make you less supportive. It makes your support sustainable. And it gives your team members the space to build their own problem-solving capacity, confidence, and effectiveness.