You know that person. I won’t make you say their name, but you know exactly who I mean.
Their name pops up on your calendar or their number comes up on your phone, and your stomach drops a little. Every “quick chat” feels heavy. You leave the conversation feeling responsible. Not just for the work, but for how they’re feeling.
If one person consistently leaves you feeling depleted, foggy, or emotionally responsible, they’re not bad or toxic. You’re carrying emotional weight that isn’t actually yours.
They share what’s stressing them, and you immediately feel it. You feel like you need to do something about it, even when they don’t seem to be doing much themselves. It becomes one more piece of emotional weight you don’t actually have the capacity to carry.
Over time, a pattern forms.
Maybe they regularly doubt their decisions. Maybe they seek constant reassurance. Maybe responsibility subtly shifts away from them in these conversations. Eventually, they learn that when they’re overwhelmed, you step in. You slow things down. You walk them through it. You help them regulate.
You’re really good at holding space. That’s part of why you’re a manager.
But that space eventually fills up when conversations stay unresolved and emotional weight never gets returned.
The result is emotional fatigue. Less clarity. That “too full” feeling that makes it hard to focus or think strategically. You feel drained.
And here’s the kicker. Without boundaries, one person can quietly shrink your capacity for everyone else.
TINY THINGS YOU CAN DO TODAY
These aren’t big conversations or confrontations. They’re small, real-life shifts in how you show up.
PAUSE BEFORE REACTING
Acknowledge without immediately reassuring or solving. Let the silence exist. Let the emotion sit there without trying to smooth it over. Some people call this “sitting in the suck.” It’s uncomfortable at first, but powerful.
A simple response like, “That does sound hard,” lets the other person feel heard without handing the emotion to you.
Then pause. Let them finish the thought. You don’t need to regulate the moment for them.
RETURN THE OWNERSHIP
You don’t need one more problem to solve.
Respectfully give the issue back by asking questions like:
“What do you think your next step is?”
“What have you already tried?”
“What feels within your control right now?”
This isn’t withdrawing support. It’s shifting responsibility back where it belongs. You can support and empower without accepting the problem as yours.
CLOSE THE LOOP OUT LOUD
This is what prevents mental carryover.
End the conversation intentionally with something like, “Let’s pause here. What’s your next move?” or “What will you try before we talk again?”
Closing the loop reduces the chance that this becomes your unfinished business that follows you into the rest of your day.
A DIFFERENT TYPE OF SUPPORT
As managers, our instinct is to help.
What’s important to remember is this. Creating an emotional boundary doesn’t make you less supportive. It makes your support sustainable. And it gives your team members the space to build their own problem-solving capacity, confidence, and effectiveness.