Yesterday I had the pleasure of catching up with an old friend. She’s a friend that I’ve seen about once these last three years. A friend who moved out of the immediate area years ago, and no paths of ours really cross anymore. So, we must make it happen. And when we do, it’s amazing.
I left our casual chat feeling like I was on cloud nine. Something in me SO needed it. It was so good to catch up and talk teenage boys, work, and life. But there is something about how I feel when I leave Sasha. She has a gift. She’s always had this gift. She’s an exceptional listener.
I’m with people all the time. And sure, they listen to me. But not in the way Sasha does. She listens… like really LISTENS. She helps me to feel totally heard. She has a way of creating this big pocket of space. And then stepping out, to just the perimeter… leaving no doubt in my mind that she’s FULLY present. Sasha is a gifted active listener.
THE LOST ART OF ACTIVE LISTENING
Actively listening is invaluable in today’s world where we’re often quick to assume the worst of one’s intentions. It’s a skill that I teach in my workshops, and one that is becoming increasingly hard to come by in today’s world of distractions. When used in our fast-paced world, active listening has the amazing ability to enhance social connections with our spouses, children, parents, friends and coworkers. It allows us to connect to others at a deeper level, and in a short time. And by regularly practicing it, you can increase trust and understanding. This skill comes natural to some people, like Sasha. But for many of us, it’s a skill that can be learned and improved upon, if practiced.
THE MANY BENEFITS OF ACTIVE LISTENING
Active listening is a great way to improve relationships at work and home, and to help others feel emotionally supported. In our daily lives, active listening can be used:
• During a disagreement with a spouse
• When a friend or parent is in distress
• When disapproving of a teen’s action
• When a young child is upset
• During conversations with friends
In the workplace, active listening:
•Creates a safe place to express concerns
• Shows team members they’re respected
• Optimizes information retention
• Minimizes misunderstandings
• Allows subordinates to feel heard
SIX STEPS TO BETTER ACTIVE LISTENING
You’re probably asking, how is this different than, well… simply listening? Compared to how we usually “listen”, it is, in fact, quite different. If you want to become a better listener and reap the many benefits that this skill offers, you’ll want to be sure you’re doing the following:
BE FULLY PRESENT. Put your phone away, and eliminate as many distractions as possible. Give the speaker your undivided attention.
ENGAGE NON-VERBALLY. Show them you’re listening with full eye contact and attentiveness.
ASK OPEN-ENDED QUESTIONS. Avoid yes or no questions, and ask the speaker to elaborate on their ideas in greater depth. This allows them to feel heard and creates stronger connections.
PARAPHRASE. Reflect back what you’ve heard to confirm understanding. This allows the speaker to clarify any misunderstandings.
AVOID JUDGING OR INTERRUPTING. Refrain from offering advice or interrupting the speaker.
GIVE FEEDBACK. Share your own thoughts, feelings, or suggestions in a respectful and constructive way, and invite the speaker to do the same.
Sadly, social connections are diminishing amidst the noise of technology and the fast pace of modern life, By practicing this simple skill of active listening, we not only enhance the quality of our interactions but also cultivate deeper empathy, understanding, and connection with those around us. So, let’s commit to being present, attentive, and genuinely engaged listeners. Let’s try to all listen like Sasha.